Character list:

Mother (MUM)
Sister (SIS)
Leo (LEO)



WORKING TITLE (short script)


(The light comes up on a family eating dinner in silence. The table is bare save for three filthy plates and two filthy glasses.)

MUM: More tea?

SIS: Thank you.

MUM: Leo?

LEO: No thanks.

(Pause.)

SIS: Wasn't the baby ugly?

MUM: Ugly child, ugly. Well, she's her mother's daughter.

SIS: She wasn't cute either. I mean, some kids are pretty but not cute, or cute but not pretty.

MUM: Yes.

SIS: This one wasn't anything special.

MUM: Yes.

SIS: And those eyes!

MUM: Awful, terrible.

SIS: Beautiful!

MUM: Wondrous, celestial!

SIS: I want her eyes. Those beautiful eyes - oh, why am I stuck with these sicksome glutinous water-orbs?

(LEO feeds the dog from the high and polished table-top.)

SIS: Did Mum say you could give her that?

MUM: Somebody pass me that clean glass, will you?

LEO: (to SIS) How old am I?

SIS: How old are you? Sixteen.

LEO: Right.

MUM: Why did you ask that?

SIS: Yes, why did you ask that?

LEO: (triumphantly) Well, if I'm old enough to have sex, I think I can handle a bloody dog.

(Pause.)

SIS: What a stupid thing to say.

MUM: Yes.

SIS: Anyway, I'll say one thing for the baby: she had lovely hair.

MUM: Yes.

SIS: Beautiful hair. I want it.

LEO: I'm going upstairs. (exit)

SIS: (calling upstairs) Leo!

LEO: (calling downstairs) What?

SIS: (louder)  Leo!

LEO: (louder) What?

SIS: You forgot your plate!

LEO: I'm done!

SIS: Her clothes were a little gaudy.

MUM: Gaudy, horribly so, horribly.

LEO: I'm done!

SIS: I heard you!

LEO: Then why didn't you reply?

MUM: She needs new clothes. Maybe something from Miss Selfridges.

SIS: Oh no, no!

MUM: Oh no, no?

SIS: Miss Selfridges? Oh! (she shudders) Oh! Clothes of that calibur should not be soiled so. She'll make do with Marks.

MUM: Marks? Are you quite sure?

SIS: You don't think so?

MUM: Well. Actually, they are rather perky this summer.

SIS: Tescos it is, then.

LEO: (entering from the bedroom) Why didn't you reply?

SIS: Hush, we're in the middle of something.

MUM: Tescos?

SIS: Yes, I do believe they have something in yellow -

MUM: (horrified) Yellow?

SIS: Did I say yellow? I meant, blue.

MUM: Fabulous!

(LEO slams his fist down hard upon the table-top.)

LEO: (shouting) Why didn't you reply, for Christ's sake! Why didn't you reply?

(Pause.)

MUM: Go to your room.

SIS: Yes, go to your room.

LEO: You can't make me. You have no right.

MUM: Go - to - your - room.

LEO: I wish -

MUM: Yes?

LEO: I wish -

SIS: What? What do you wish?

(Pause.)

LEO: Don't matter. (exit)

(Pause.)

SIS: I'll say one thing about the dear baby.

MUM: Yes, my dear?

SIS: She had her mother's face.

MUM: Oh, yes!

SIS: Father's eyes, though.

MUM: Father's eyes, you're completely right. Mother's nose.

SIS: Father's mouth.

MUM: Absolutely.

(Pause.)

BOTH: But wasn't she ugly?

(They laugh.)



END